|
im_thinking_stupid
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Country: United States
State: New York
Gender: Female
Interests: nadia: jazz and soul, sings em blues, and dabs the guitar, a bit of a fruit, loves the OC, and most importantly ..loves GOD
kriss: the brainiaC, mellow yellow, gunna be rich cus she's so darn brilliant, cool gal with a passion to know more about Christ
Message: message me
AIM:  barefooted blues
AIM:  simplyyecstatic
Member Since:
7/5/2005
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| May I be honest?
I have been an absolute bitch this month.
I have been angry, impatient, fussy, though I may not show it all the time.
An absolute epitome of what a daughter in Christ shouldn't do.
At times, I even yell at people in my thoughts, which isn't much different from doing it to their face, actually.
I'm frustrated and I'm taking it out on everyone.
I can't help it because I just can't seem to bottle up what I'm feeling.
WHY ISN'T MY LIFE MOVING? WHY ISN'T GOD DOING ANYTHING? WHY A STANDSTILL?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY
i feel so clueless and left in the dark, feeling my purpose slowly slipping away from me.
had i just been imagining it all? all that he had promised me, did i secretly subconsciously just fill in the blanks of the things He didn't actually say.
DOUBT is currently my worst enemy.
oh and yes, i struggled. hard and for a long time now.
until today.
TODAY, i am at peace, sort of.
Though i know this isn't the end of my struggles, and my discontent, I realized today that through it all, there is worth, and a testimony to be told.
That behind it all, there is a God who is indeed moving.
A week ago, I had heard a sermon on the significance of names and to be quite honest, I had read a book on names before and of course, Nadia, wasn't in the book of common names, so I never quite got the meaning. Yesterday, I had attended Soul Sisters Imagine, an all women's fellowship at my church and I had met a woman by the name of Fiona and as I introduced myself, she had told me the meaning of my name.
My name means hope.
My name....means hope.
Hope, I told myself, over and over again and somehow everything, all I've been through, made a little bit of sense.
I've never given up and perhaps I'm not meant to and I won't, because I'm going to live up to my name.
As i continued sharing with Fiona, I had realized that there is truly a time and a season for all things. She told me about a course being offered in Hong Kong called the Kairos course, which trains people, to go on missions into different parts of the world and this is when God slowly nudges my heart and tells me that He's always here and no, He is never going to forsake me.
That this is my autumn season and in His perfect time, I will be in Spring.
| | |
| fairy tales just don't exist huh.
it's just too good to last.
i've been saying that i'm going to give it up to God...but i'm still holding on, afraid...afraid of the level that He can take this to.
i am just a dreamer. | | |
| it's starting to feel like broken in leather shoes.
the only word for kriss?
"comfortable"
you're so funny. so much for being creative.
- nadia | | |
| here we go kriss...
let it begin. time to battle the trials of our hearts.
- nadia | | |
| every beginning has an end...and every end...has a beginning. the cycle never stops. the sweetest things in life can cause you the most grief. isn't that funny? only time will tell... | | |
|
